Pop Quiz!
How Evil Are You?
-by the Demon Scuzz, Professor of Villainy and all-around jerk; Disbarred for Cruel and Unusual Treatment of Freshmen.
-assisted by Klawz, who's just Cruel and Unusual.
 

So, you think you're bad news, do ya? The bad penny that always turns up, the thorn in the side of justice, all that stuff? Well, bud, I hate to break it to you, but odds are you're just fooling yourself! 9 times out of 10, a "super villan" turns out to be nothing more than a wimp with bad fashion sense. Find out once and for all if you're cut out for the life of a villan by taking this simple quiz. Just try to chose the most evil answer for every question. Remember, answer as honestly as possible, so the resulting grade will be an accurate evaluation of your maliciousness. Of course, this being a measurement of evil, cheaters can ADD ten percent to their final grade.


 
1) You start your day with a hearty:
a) mug of coffee
b) jog around the block
c) hangover
d) laugh, knowing today will be the date of your greatest triumph!

 
 
2) Your ideal pet would be:
a) a cute lil' puppy.
b) a foul-mouthed but loveable parrot.
c) your brainwashed, now zombie-like foe.
d) some kind of mutant, hideous, ferocious hellbeast that obeys your every command.

 
 
3) Identify the best choice in hideouts:
a) a perfectly ordinary suburban neighborhood, convienient to shopping and schools. 
b) an underground lair, chock full of your nefarious devices and disfiguring traps.
c) an office building you own, pretending to be another Monument to Capitalism while really serving as a front for your foul schemes.
d) a bench in the park where you can converse with the rest of your "League of Horror" before the policeman chases you off for loitering and annoying the pigeons.

 
 
4) As a card-carrying doer of evil, you prefer to travel by:
a) teleportation. 
b) hacking a bloody trail between you and your destination, even if you're just going to the store for a carton of ice cream.
c) your suped- up, turbo- charged, highly- armored, bristling- with- weapons deathmachine your inferior enemies insist on calling the "Bad- mobile".
d) one of those annoying little scooters that keep darting in front of me while I drive.

 
 
5) Your role model is:
a) Snidely Whiplash
b) Darth Vader
c) Yourself (who could be worse?)
d) Bill Gates

 
 
6) Your minions should be:
a) several dozen small but nasty creatures of questionable origin (including but not limited to supernatural; genetics mistakes; and/or bought off of eBay)
b) a pack of rabid puppies, not housebroken.
c) cheap, plentiful, and not smart enough to know how expendable they really are.
d) a dozen or so large men dressed up in costumes relating to whatever you like to wear (does not apply to female villans)

 
 
7) About your costume....
a) it should have ample room for concealed weapons if male, and conceal as little as possible if female. 
b) it should make you look as identical as possible to the leader of your enemies, in order to confuse them.
c) "Did I tell you to give an opinion?" *BLAM!*
d) get rid of it! Nothing strikes fear into the hearts of the noble (and everyone else) like a naked guy laughing manically.

 
 
8) Of the following, the most evil plan is:
a) taking candy from a baby.
b) creating a popular but mind-controling toyline just in time for the Holiday Shopping Frenzy.
c) unleashing a plauge that will kill everyone, everywhere, even you.
d) serving NOTHING, and I mean NOTHING, but cod to starving people.

 
 
9) Oh woe! The Forces of Good have found you at last, and all seems lost. In a last-ditch effort to thwart the heroes, you activate your Ultimate Weapon, which is:
a) a HUGE laser gun.
b) a REALLY huge laser gun. We're talking BIG, baby.
c) a swarm of specially bred rabbits that are just as cute as the DICKENS but also carry lethal (to heroes) parasites.
d) Evil duplicates of the heroes, devoid of even the slightest HINT that they're not who they appear to be, other than the fact they're trying to beat their twin's head in.

 
 
10) You have the hero on the ropes! What do you do next?
a) kill him then and there.
b) taunt him a bit, then order an underling to kill him.
c) Seal him in an elaborate deathtrap but make the odd choice not to see if it works.
d) Let him go. I mean, without heroes, you'd be unemployed!